drowning

I woke up and threw on my hoodie and slippers. I opened the door and grabbed the mail sticking out the mailbox. I shuffled through it when I saw one addressed to me. It was from Jess. It looked like an invitation. That could only mean one thing.

You are cordially invited to celebrate the joining of Jessica Lynn Johnson and Dave Matthew Hodgson. Saturday, July 20th , 2009 at 3pm. Church of Christ. Highway 48, Wawota, SK.

“Brooks!” I yelled jumping on his bed.

“What?” he groaned rubbing his eyes.

“Jessica and Dave announced their wedding date!” I exclaimed.

“Yahoo” he said putting his head down on the pillow.

“Aw, muffin, is Brooksy tired?” I said poking his sides.

He just groaned and threw the blankets over his head.

“Brooks it’s after 11” I told him. He threw the blankets off and looked at the clock. It was only 9.

“You’re an ass”

“You love me” I smiled proudly.

“You know, I would have been shot if I missed practice” he said sitting up.

“How else would I have gotten you up?”

He just sat up and stretched and I watched every muscle in his back stretch, every fibre in my body wanted to touch him right now, it took all my willpower to keep my hands where they were.

He stood up and turned around. I found myself staring at his chest and abs, what is happening to me? I never saw Brooks as really attractive before. I knew he was a good looking guy, the girls loved him, but I never thought I could see him like that.

“You ok?” he asked.

“I’m fine” I said shaking my head, “daydreaming”

“About what?” he smirked.

“Nothing important” I lied.

“If you say so”

He left for practice that morning, and I cleaned up the house for something to do. Yet, my mind was consumed with thoughts of him. Also, with thoughts of my dad. I missed my dad like crazy, and the more I thought about Jess’ wedding, the more I thought about him not being there. How hard was that going to be? Dad is supposed to walk her down the aisle, he’s supposed to walk me down the aisle, well, when I get married. It’s hard to think about. It hurts to think about.

--

The season flew by and the boys lost to Pittsburgh in 7 games in the playoffs. Brooks was devastated and I had no idea how to cheer him up. I didn’t know how long it would be for him to recover after that, especially that game 7 disaster, and then Pittsburgh won the Stanley Cup.

“Ok, that’s enough!” I finally said amongst the silence.

“What?”

“I’m tired of your moping, this isn’t you, you know you have next year Brooks, come on, let’s go out and do something” I said grabbing his arm. He didn’t budge as I tried to pull him out of the chair.

“I don’t want to” he sighed.

“Brooks” I snapped standing in front of the tv.

“Julie, so help me--”

“Don’t you dare! Brooks, it’s over, you can’t do anything about it, all you can do is play your best next year, and moping about it right now will do nothing”

He didn’t reply, he just avoided eye contact with me. I went over to him and punched him in the arm. He winced in pain and grabbed his arm with his other hand, “what was that for”

“Cause you’re being an ass” I replied crossing my arms, “I want Brooksy back”

He just sighed and tilted my head towards him “I’m sorry, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere”

“Thank you” I replied, “but you are coming with me right now” I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door, “we are going out”

*please please please please PLLLEASEE comment, im scarce in the comments department and could really use your guys' feedback*


Teri’s been here for a few weeks and we’ve been getting really close. We were never this close back home, I don’t know what it was. It was almost Christmas and Brooks was on another road trip for about a week or so, so it was giving us some quality time. She was talking about Brooks a lot, because they have been getting a bit close as well. A little too close for comfort in my opinion, it was really awkward, any chance she got she was flirting, and Brooks’ charming ways didn’t disappoint, she really liked him, and I wasn’t one to step in the way of love.

I will admit I’m a tad jealous. But it’s not what you think. I’m used to spending my time with Brooks and only Brooks, it was the reason I left Saskatchewan, for a change and to get away from the family, I really didn’t think Teri was going to stay this long, I love the girl, but she can get a little…annoying.

She was the baby, and I was surprised how well she was doing, how we were both doing since last month’s tragedy. I still had my bad days, but having two of my favorite people around, was perfect.

“Julie!” my sister exclaimed venturing from the spare bedroom.

“Yes?” I said keeping my eyes on my laptop.

“I’m going out with Brooks when he gets back” she replied. My eyes moved away from the computer to her. I swallowed a lump in my throat and clenched my jaw, “I’m happy for you” when I really wasn’t. But why wasn’t I?

-----

I sat on the couch, with my laptop where I haven’t left in the past few days, other than work. I was doing some work from home, it was still hard working around the office. Then, I saw them come in. Hand in hand, laughing and smiling. Brooks’ eyes met mine and he dropped her hand immediately.

“I didn’t know you were home” he said nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

“I’ve been working at home for days Brooks, you knew that” I replied.

“I’m going to shower” Teri said leaving the room.

Brooks sat beside me and I just sighed shutting my laptop, “what?”

“You seem on edge lately, you ok?”

“I’m a tad stressed, I could get a promotion with this report. Dad‘s been on my mind lately too” I replied, “so yah, sorry if I’ve been snappy”

“I was just worried” he replied, “and I kind of need to ask you something”

“Shoot”

“I really like her Julie, and I want you to be ok with that”

I turned my head and looked at the wall. I don’t know why I didn’t like it, I just didn’t. My sister and my best friend, it just felt awkward…but I lied to him.

“Of course” I smiled, “why wouldn’t I be?” man I was good.

“Thanks” he replied wrapping his arms around me.

He stood up but I stopped him, “I swear if you so much as make her cry, I will make you cry. You know I have a hell of a right hook”

He put his hands up in defence and laughed, “I wouldn’t dare, plus I don’t want to feel the wrath of that right hook”

“Good, now I need to work” I replied opening my laptop again.

Brooks went to the other room and I did all I could to distract myself from my thoughts. As I typed my report, I found myself writing Brooks instead of books, and Laich instead of like. What the hell is wrong with me? I slapped my laptop shut and sighed, Brooks came back into the room and looked at me, “you ok?”. I just nodded, “I need a break”

I shut my bedroom door behind me and sat on the bed. Was I gaining feelings for my best friend? He’s been there through everything and I’m extremely lucky to have found him. I hated when he was gone on a road trip, I loved having his arms around me, hearing his voice, he had a smile that could make any woman go weak in the knees. Shit, I think this is worse than I thought.

-----

It was Christmas time and Teri was headed home. I knew this wasn’t going to be an easy Christmas, especially with dad gone. I know I sound selfish, but being back home would only make the pain worse, I decided to stay with Brooks this Christmas, Teri was going to stay with mom.

I came home from work, it was snowing and a little too cold for me. I opened the door finding Brooks underneath a pine Christmas tree, trying to stand it up.

“Need some help there?” I smirked taking off my coat and throwing it on the couch, kicking off my heels at the same time. I walked over and held on to the tree to make sure it stayed straight.

“Since when do you get a Christmas tree?” I joked.

“Since you’re staying here, I thought it would be proper” he replied standing up to check if it was straight. He looked it up and down and then he bent back down sticking his head under the tree. It was hard not to look at his backside sticking out, and I found myself looking a little too long. Why did I suddenly finally find him attractive, as soon as I know I can’t have him….

“You checking me out?” he smirked looking up.

I turned my attention in the other direction, “you wish Laich”

He just laughed and stood up. I stood beside him as he admired his work, “I think I did a hell of a job if I do say so myself”

I just nodded, “you have ornaments I assume”

“Yah, in the hall closet” he said pointing towards it.

I opened the door and pulled out the box marked Christmas. I set it on the floor in the living room and sat down with it, sitting on my knees, on account I was still in my pencil skirt from work. I opened the box and looked through it, he still had old Christmas stuff from back home. The last time we spent Christmas together, I was 18.

“You still have this?” I asked him pulling out an old gingerbread man ornament I had made for him before he left when I was 18.

“Of course!” he said excitedly taking it from my hand and hanging it on the tree, “it’s one of my favorite gifts”

“You’re such a liar” I said turning my attention back to the box. He sat down cross-legged on the other side of the box facing me. I pulled out a picture of us one Christmas when we were teenagers, he was 18 and I was 17, we were at a friends Christmas party completely hammered “wow, you were kinda scrawny back in the day weren’t you?” I joked.

He took the picture out of my hands and looked at it. He smirked as he stood up and put it on the end table next to the couch, “it’s seriously my favorite picture of us”

“Brooks, we were trashed” I laughed, “I look awful”

“But they were good times, you have to admit” he said sitting beside me this time.

“This is true” I smirked at him. He was sitting really close, and he was staring at me, and a part of me didn’t want to look away. I could feel his breath on my lips, and it was making me insane. What was happening to me? It took all my willpower but I turned my head and looked down at my hands.

“You want to finish?” I asked, “I need a shower” I couldn’t even look at him.

He just cleared his throat, “yah, sure thing. Go ahead”

I stood up and shut the bathroom door behind me. I stood against the door and drew in a sharp breath. I have no idea what is coming over me. I have to forget how I’m feeling and remember that he’s with my sister, and she adores him. I could never break her heart, especially when I told Brooks not to do the same thing. I had to ignore these sudden feelings I was feeling for my best friend. It was for the best.

*I know there isn't much to it. but comments are still appreciated:)*


I felt a pillow hit me and I slowly opened my eyes. Julie was sitting on the floor with a look of pure anger on her face. What did I do?

“Why are you on the floor?” was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

“Because you took up half the bed” she huffed.

“Oops” I shrugged.

She grabbed another pillow and threw it at me and I quickly dodged out of the way. She looked at me with a smirk. She was impressed. “Quick reflexes” I laughed.

“How are you not hungover?” she groaned pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I am” I replied, “but I can tolerate the pain”

“Shut up” she spat sitting up on the bed, back facing me.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked.

“Alright…” I sighed, “he was in my dreams again”

Everytime she mentioned her father my heart broke for her. I know how much he meant to her. She was doing so much better, and I was proud of her. I did all I could to help her feel better. I moved my hands and gently rubbed her shoulders and neck.

“Fuck you’re good at that” she groaned. She cocked her head to the side, exposing one side of her neck, it took all my willpower not to press my lips to her neck. She didn’t even know what she did to me. Instead, I distracted myself.

“I know” I said taking my hands away and pinching her sides. She turned but I was already off the bed and running into the living room.


“Shit” I said quietly as I heard Julie yell something about how she’s going to kill me. I was stopped in my tracks when I see Julie’s younger sister Teri sitting on the couch, suitcases surrounding her. I looked down at myself, only in boxers, I turned probably 10 shades of red and so did Teri.

“You can go put a shirt on” Julie mumbled pushing me towards my room.

I heard them talking as I threw a t-shirt over my head and pulled on a pair of jeans. I walked back out to see Teri turn her attention to me, and smiled at me. I smiled back, being friendly when Julie glared at me. I just walked into the kitchen and overheard their conversation.

“Is he single?” I heard Teri ask, I just smirked to myself, and kept my ear towards the room.

“First of all, yes and secondly he’s too old for you”

“How old is he?”

“26”

“How old am I?”

“21” I just shrugged as I threw the number around in my head.

“Age is just a number” she pointed out.

“You’re not his type” Julie replied. This caught my attention. Since when does Julie know my type?

“Are you jealous?” she asked curiously.

“Pshhh, no” Julie replied standing up.

“Well it sounds like you’re trying to keep me away from him”

“He’s not right for you…”

“You can’t stop me Julie…”

“Fine” she huffed, “but I warned you”

I heard her footsteps come by the kitchen and I looked in her direction. I didn’t know what expression was on my face, but she stopped for a minute, confused, angry, I couldn’t think of anything to say, instead I just watched as she disappeared into the bathroom.

Sunday rolled around and I had one bad day without Brooks. I just stayed in bed and sobbed hysterically, but I was getting better. There were things that could trigger the tears, like one of his favorite shows on tv, or movie, or commercial, or even song. Right now I was stable.

I heard someone come through the door and I immediately breathed a sigh of relief. I just smiled at him as he came in the room. He just gave me a weak smile and sighed as he sat beside me.

“Drink?” I asked.

“Please”

I stood up and grabbed a bottle of Tequila and two shot glasses. I sat back down beside him and filled the glasses. We looked at each other, nodded and drank it back. My throat burned and I saw him pinch the bridge of his nose and he shook his head.

“Shit!”

“Something wrong?” I asked him.

He put the glass out in front of me and I poured some more and watched him drink it.

“Brooks, talk to me”

“Just a bad road trip for me”

“It’s only October” I reassured him.

“I suppose you’re right” he sighed.

I poured a glass and drank it just as quick.

“You know how to hold your liquor girl” he laughed.

“I have you to thank for that” I said nudging him.

It wasn’t long before we were both seriously hammered. We were laughing hysterically at something we saw on tv, that I don’t even think was that funny. I stood up to get a drink and Brooks followed me, I tripped over myself and he tried to stop me from falling but he fell himself, on top of me. We stopped laughing and I looked straight into his eyes, and he looked straight into mine. For a minute he moved his eyes from mine and looked at my lips and then back up at my eyes with a confused look on his face. He closed his eyes, shook his head and sat up.

“What was that?”

“I’m trashed Julie, it was nothing” he replied.

“Are you not telling me something?”

“Julie, we’re both drunk” he nervously chuckled while barely getting to his feet.

He helped me up and before he could escape I grabbed his arm and took his face in my hands, “you’re not telling me something” he pulled away and I heard him whisper something to himself, “Brooks! You’re scaring me…”

He turned to me and saw how upset I was, his arms were immediately around me, “I’m fine” he reassured me, “you need to stop worrying about me”

“I will always worry about you, the same way you worry about me” I mumbled.

He just squeezed me tighter and I took in his scent. I was too drunk to even remember our conversation.

------

I woke up with an arm around me and a pounding head. I knew it was Brooks, who else would it be. I tried to squirm away but he pulled me back in, “go back to sleep” he murmured. His warm breath on my neck gave me goosebumps, we didn’t normally do this, only the one time when I was terrified to sleep alone. But it felt right, it felt like I was supposed to be here.

I looked at the clock and saw it was 9, three hours later than from when I woke up earlier. My head still pounded and Brooks was still asleep, but he took up half the bed this time. I rolled over and fell off the bed, realizing he took up more than I thought. I grabbed a pillow.

“Brooks you asshole, wake up!” I yelled from the floor.

He groaned and tossed the pillow aside, looking aimlessly before his eyes met with mine. “Why are you on the floor?” he asked.

“Because you took up half the bed” I huffed.

“Oops” he shrugged, “my bad”

I grabbed another pillow and threw it at him and he dodged out of the way. “Quick reflexes” he laughed.

“How are you not hungover?” I groaned pinching the bridge of my nose.

“I am” he replied, “but I can tolerate the pain”


“Shut up” I spat sitting back up on the bed.

“How’d you sleep?” he asked.

“Alright…” I sighed, “he was in my dreams again”

I felt his hands gently rub my shoulders and neck. His warm hands gave me goosebumps. How did he get to me?

“Fuck you’re good at that” I groaned.

“I know” he said taking his hands away and pinching my sides. I turned to hit him but he already dived off the bed and into the living room.

“I’ll kill you, I swear!” I said jumping off the bed and into the living room.

I turned the corner only to find my baby sister sitting on the couch. She was ten shades of red and Brooks had the same reaction.

“You can go put a shirt on” I mumbled pushing him into his room.

“Shit Teri, what are you doing here, and how did you get in?”

“First, I can’t live with mom anymore and two you gave me a key, and told me that if I needed anything you’d be here, I just forgot he was here too”

“What happened?” I asked sitting beside her on the couch.

“Mom is getting frustrating. She’s doing a lot better, but at the same time, she’s really angry too. We’ve had multiple fights over the last few days, and you know me, I never argue”

“I know” I nodded.

I heard Brooks come back out and her eyes diverted from me, to him. She just smiled and I could feel him smiling back. That damn charm of his. I glared back at him and he walked into the kitchen.

“Is he single?” she asked.

“First of all, yes and secondly he’s too old for you”

“How old is he?”

“25”

“How old am I?”

“21”

"Age is just a number” she pointed out.

“You’re not his type”

“Are you jealous?” she asked.

“Pshhh, no” I replied.

“Well it sounds like you’re trying to keep me away from him”

“He’s not right for you…”

“You can’t stop me Julie…”

“Fine” I huffed, “but I warned you”

She just rolled her eyes and I walked past the kitchen and looked at Brooks. Who looked confused. I ignored it and shut the bathroom door behind me.

ok i know i only have two followers in this story, but i would reallllyyy love it if you guys could maybe pass this story on...because i have run out of ways to get this story out there honestly. oh and comments on the chapters would be nice:) jsut so i know what ya's thinkkk. thanks !

-- Julia

I was back home in DC. Life started to feel somewhat normal again, except for the huge hole in my heart that only my dad could fill. I took leave from my secretary job, forr however long it took. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I just wish something could have warned me that this was coming. I haven’t seen him since his birthday in April, when I surprised him by coming for a visit. I just wanted to hear his voice again. I knew he had a cell phone and it would be turned off, so it would go straight to voicemail. I grabbed my phone and crawled back into bed, while I dialled his number.

“This is Jack, you’ve caught me at a bad time, leave a message and I’ll get back to you when I can”

My heart started to break all over again and the tears just kept falling. I kept redialling, hoping the sound of his voice would just be burned into my memory. I listened over and over again, when I heard the door creak open. I slapped my phone shut and just looked over at Brooks.

“What do I do now?” I said quietly, “I’m nothing without him”

He laid down next to me and stared up at the ceiling. I just moved my head and rested it on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat. I felt him run his fingers through my hair and I hugged one arm around his waist. We were used to this, we knew that the affection was only going so far. He was the guy who held me together, he was with me through thick and thin, he was my backbone, without him…I don’t even want to think about it.

“I’ll say one thing. He’s still with you Jules. You know he’s in your thoughts, in your heart…and you are something. You’re one hell of a girl if you ask me” he just looked down and I looked up and smirked at him.

“You know you’re the only thing that’s keeping me from falling apart” I whispered.

“It’s good to know that I’m holding you together”

“I don’t know how I got through 15 years without you”

“I would say the same thing”

It wasn’t long before the silence between us turned into a deep sleep. I was out cold, I was exhausted from crying, jet lag, it all took a toll on me.

-----

I woke up and looked at the clock. It was 12...pm. I slept for 16 hours…how?

I could smell something familiar. One of my favorite foods. I walked into the kitchen to see a chirpy Brooks over a pot and an empty box of Kraft Dinner on the counter. I could hear him humming, I don’t think he knew I was there. I cleared my throat to reveal my presence and he turned and smiled at me.

“Morning, or should I say afternoon sleepy head”

“Hey” I croaked sitting up at the breakfast bar.

“You don’t sound good” he replied with a frown.

“I think I have a cold, probably the reason I slept so long…” my voice sounded worse every second.

“Probably from sitting out in the rain” he said.

I just smirked as he opened the top cupboard and grabbed a box of Tylenol Cold and set one in front of me with a glass of water. I quickly washed it down and laid my head on the counter.

“Thanks” I replied, the word barely able to come out.

“No more talking” he ordered moving back to the boiling pot. It was about the only thing he could make, it’s why I loved it so much. He grabbed my glass and filled it up with more water, “Go take a blanket and sit on the couch” he said.

I just nodded and grabbed his Washington Capitals fleece blanket and grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels, I finally found the Hangover on Paperview. I would ask him if I could but he told me not to talk. I smiled deviously and pressed “order”. Brooks came into the room with a bowl of Kraft Dinner.

“Did you order paperview?” he asked looking at the tv then me.

I couldn’t respond so I just shrugged my shoulders and snatched the bowl from him.

“Still the same old Julie” he said moving back into the kitchen. I just laughed as I put a forkful of Kraft Dinner into my mouth.

When Brooks cleaned up he joined me on the couch.

“You’ll get sick” I just barely said.

“No talking, and I’ll be fine”

I just laid my head back and put my feet on his lap and continued to watch the movie. I felt his fingers move up and down the soles of my feet. I was normally ticklish, but for some reason, this didn’t bother me. In fact, it made me sleepy, or that could have been the drugs. I didn’t care, sleep was the only thing I wanted right now.

-----

I was sick for a few days, and Brooks was by my side the entire time. I woke up in a pool of sweat, I think my fever was gone and my sore throat had finally subsided. I jumped out of bed feeling full rested. I looked around the apartment for Brooks, but no sign of him. I saw a white piece of paper on the counter and his handwriting.

Hey, I would have waked you but I know you’re not feeling good. We’re on a road trip, but only for a few days. Call me if you need anything. See you on Sunday -- Brooks

I pouted immediately wishing I could spend my finally healthy day with Brooks. I was finally starting to feel, myself again. I knew I was going to have bad days, and I hoped that being alone in this huge house wouldn’t trigger anything.

I woke up to the sound of rain tapping on my window. I looked over at my clock and it was 8am. I turned over and saw Brooks still sound asleep. I quietly got up, trying not to disturb him and walked across the hall to the bathroom. I shut the door and locked it behind me. I was afraid to look in the mirror, I probably looked exhausted. I turned on the tap and splashed cold water on my face. It did wake me up, but my stomach felt like it was going to explode.

I walked back into my room and sat crossed legged on the bed. I just watched him sleep. It was like he didn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t want to wake him, but the funeral was at 10, and I knew how long it took him to wake up.

“Brooks” I said quietly.

Nothing.

I poked his stomach and he shifted a bit. I did it again and he shifted more, and you could see he was smiling in his sleep. Finally I slapped him and he immediately shot up.

“Not nice” he smirked pinching my side. I let out a loud squeal and slapped him again.

“Sheesh, don’t be such a girl” he laughed. I just smirked as he got up out of bed.

“We have to leave in an hour…” I was suddenly terrified again. I could feel every nerve in my body tense up the moment I thought about it. I was staring into space until I felt a warm hand on my cheek. I looked down to see Brooks kneeled down to my level.

“Hey” he said quietly.

I just swallowed a lump in my throat, “I don’t know if I can do this. See him like that, the casket is open you know. I might go insane”

“Julie, you have to remember that this man loved you and your sisters” he stated, “with every fiber of his being, you girls were everything to him, you have to remember that when you see him, I’ll be with you the whole time” I just wrapped my arms around his neck and wouldn’t let go. I wish we could just stay like this.

“We have to get ready” he whispered. I sighed and pulled back. He gently kissed my forehead as he stood up and rifled through his bag. I faced away from him and looked through mine, grabbing the black dress and leggings I brought with me. I just pulled my hair into a ponytail and pinned my bangs back. I put on some light foundation, mascara and lip gloss as Brooks knocked on the door.

“You can come in” I replied.

He was in a simple white dress shirt, black blazer, black pants and black dress shoes. I just weakly smiled at him as he reached out for my hand. I held onto it for dear life as I walked down the stairs behind him. I slipped on my black flats and walked out the door with my mom, sisters and my uncle beside me. Brooks sat in the back of Jessica’s car with me and I couldn’t let go of his hand, I’m surprised he hadn’t pulled it away yet.

We stopped at the funeral home and I froze as I stepped out of the car, “I can’t do this” I shook my head. He stepped in front of me and took my face in his hands, staring me down, “you can, I’m here, remember he loved you, remember the good memories Julie, the laughs, and you’ll get through this” he pulled me into a tight hug and led me towards the door. With every step closer, my heart started racing, I was terrified. I kept trying to think of my dad in a happy state, it wasn’t working. I walked into the lobby and desperately grabbed Brooks’ hand. I walked through the lobby and into where the funeral was taking place. I saw his picture at the front of the room and squeezed Brooks’ hand tighter, glancing up at him quickly. The closer I got to the front of the room, the more terrified I got. I saw the open casket, but not what was inside. I was terrified to even look, but I knew I had to do this.

I stopped, seeing him peaceful, like he was sleeping. I was in shock at this point not being able to move, or speak. I started to feel numb again, and that’s when it hit me, first it was small sobs, but I suddenly started to cry hysterically. I let out a shriek before Brooks wrapped his arms around me. I tried to pull away from him but he pulled me back and I sobbed into his chest, everything that’s been held in for the past few days finally came out. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, the pain was almost unbearable. All I could hear was my mother doing the same. What did we do to deserve this?

Everything around me was suddenly in slow motion. I calmed down but a few stray tears would come out. As I sat and watched as a few people came up and spoke about my dad I couldn’t even hear it. It’s like their mouths were moving but nothing was coming out. I was in such a state of shock, that I felt like it was all a dream. A nightmare.

It was finally the moment I was terrified of. He was being buried in the cemetery across the street. My mind finally started to come back to reality as everything moved at a normal pace again.

I stood in front of the casket, now closed, and looked at the six foot deep hole in front of me. I heard them saying something but I didn’t really pay attention, I just felt Brooks’ arm around my shoulder, and an umbrella over our heads as the rain poured down. I probably would have fallen apart if he didn’t come.

The moment they stopped talking and moved towards the casket I froze. He was going into the ground. I couldn’t watch this. I started to pull away from Brooks, he said something but I couldn’t hear him. I suddenly started running, as fast as I could, as far away as I could. I didn’t know where I was going, I was going to run until my lungs couldn’t take it. I didn’t care about the pouring rain. It didn’t even phase me.

I was soaked when I stopped at the one spot Brooks and I loved. The ground was soaked, but it didn’t bother me. I just laid on the grass and felt the rain hit my face, and felt the tears streaming. Everything hit me at once, and I didn’t like it.

I heard fast paced steps and they slowed down to a walk as they got closer. I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. I just saw him sit cross legged beside me, facing me. He took his thumb and wiped away the tears that just wouldn’t stop falling. His warm hand on my cold cheek gave me goosebumps and I sat up. He saw and immediately pulled his soaked blazer off and put it around my shoulders, not that it would help. I just stared at him, and he stared back, not daring say a word. I finally got up on my knees, pulled the blazer off, wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his neck. This sobbing thing was getting old.

“Don’t leave, promise me you’ll never leave” I mumbled into his shoulder.

“I’m here babe” he said squeezing me tighter, “I’m not going anywhere”