drowning

It was the wedding day and Jess was terribly nervous. I did all I could to calm her down, but it didn’t do much good. I had no experience being a bride, what could I do? The nerves were hitting her like a ton of bricks. I just hope she didn’t get cold feet, I knew she loved Dave too much…

“Ok Jess, we’re just going to leave you alone with Mom”

“Ok” she mumbled.

We all left the room and Mom went in and shut the door. I met Brooks in the hallway whose eyes almost bugged out of his head.

“You alright?” I asked him.

“You look beautiful” he said.

I just felt my face get hot and I half smiled, “Thanks, you look pretty good yourself”

He just smiled and went to say something when Teri ended up beside me, “Hey Brooks”

“Hey baby” he said nervously rubbing the back of his neck, “you look great”

“Thanks” she smiled.

I just swallowed a lump in my throat as I watched the two of them chat, the way she was talking, touching his arm, the way he was gently playing with her hair, how close she was…

I turned my attention away and spotted a familiar face at the end of the hall.

“Brooks” I said tapping his shoulder.

“Yah?”

“Isn’t that one of your teammates?” I asked curiously.

He looked over Teri’s shoulder and nodded, “Yah, that’s Steckel…”

“I thought so”

“What’s he doing here?”

“Why don’t you go ask him?” I replied sarcastically.

“That could work” he replied with a half smile.

I watched Teri who couldn’t keep her eyes off of him, seriously, it made me sick. I finally admit I’m jealous of the two of them, but I also admit, there isn’t a whole hell of a lot that I can do about it.

“Julie” I heard my mom’s voice, “she’s ok”

“Really?”

“Yah”

The ceremony went as planned and I cried almost the whole time, happy tears of course. The reception afterwards was going to be another story. It was actually back at my mom’s house, in our huge backyard.

A small amount of close family and friends got back to my mom’s house for the reception. I sat back with my third drink as I watched Brooks and Teri, I knew it was going to be a long night.

“You don’t think you’re overdoing it there?” I heard someone ask.

I turned around to see Brooks’ teammate David Steckel. I just sighed and replied, “I’ll be fine”

“Something up with you and Laich?” he asked reaching back for a drink.

“No” I said quickly, “he’s my best friend”

“Oh…so you’re Julie” he said.

“Yes” I nodded.

“He talks about you”

“Really?” I said cocking my head to the side, “good things?”

“You’d think he was in love with you the way he talks sometimes, but he totally denies it”

I just swallowed a lump in my throat, “we’re pretty tight” I said doing my best to ignore his observation.

“It seems that way” he replied, “anyways the reason I came over here was because I wanted to ask you to dance”

I just shrugged, “Yah, sure, why not”

I set my drink down and took his hand and he led me to the dance floor. I put one hand on his shoulder and took his other hand.

“So, how did you end up invited?” I asked.

“I grew up with Dave” he said.

“Oh, that’s cool” I said, “he never mentioned it. But she did meet Dave in the states while at school, wait, two Daves, how doesn’t that get confusing?”

“Oh, it does” he laughed.

I just smirked, “You’d think he would have talked about having a friend in the NHL”

“Dave’s humble that way” he replied, “so you’re Jess’ sister?”

“Big sister” I corrected him, “I adore her”

He just laughed, “well I’ve seen you guys together, you’re great”

I just smiled when I felt Brooks’ hand on my waist, which caused my stomach to flip, “you mind if I steal her?” he asked.

“Go for it” replied Dave pulling back.

I just sighed and took Brooks’ hand and put my other on his shoulder, “where’s Teri?”

“She’s talking to Jess” he said, “what are you doing with him?”

“He asked me to dance, I said yes. Do you have a problem with that?” I asked.

“No” he said quickly, “I just never thought he’d be your type”

“I didn’t say I liked him Brooks, I’ve known him for five minutes. It’s a dance, that’s it, he‘s a nice guy” I replied, “it sounds like you have a problem with it”

“I don’t. Don‘t get defensive” he assured me.

“I feel like I have to be”

The song ended and I pulled away from him, trying to get from him as quickly as possible. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him, “something’s wrong”

“Nothing’s wrong” I insisted yanking my arm from his grip, “I’m tired, and I will admit a tad drunk, but I promise you that’s it”

I walked back and grabbed a drink and sat down. David sat beside me and I just sighed, “Something is going on there” he said, “I can see it”

“It’s nothing I can’t get over”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m in love with him, and he’s in love with my sister, that’s it”

“Whoa, heavy stuff”

“Yah…” I replied taking a drink.

“Ok” he said, “first off, stop the drinking” he just took it from my hand and poured it out on the grass. I just sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, “second, I admit, I like you. Everything I have heard about you from Brooks, you sound like an amazing girl”

“Oh…”

“Sorry, it just came out”

“No, it’s ok” I smiled, “you’re cool, but I think we should just be friends…”

“I understand, maybe when we get back to Washington we can have dinner or something?”

“I’d like that” I smiled, “you want my number? To keep in touch?”

“Sure”

We exchanged numbers and talked for a bit. I looked over at Brooks who’s glare could burn right through you. I ignored him and turned my attention back to Dave.

“Well…” he said standing up, “I think it’s time I get going”

I just stood up and went in for a hug. I pulled back, and some slight eye contact caused me to do something that even surprised me, I kissed him. It wasn’t just a peck, because he took it farther, my hands gripped onto his neck. He just pulled back and I just crossed my arms across my chest.

“Um…”

“I’m sorry” I said quickly, “I’m slightly drunk”

He shook his head, “It’s fine”

“I’ll see you later” I said sitting down.

He left and Brooks was livid when he came over.

“What?” I huffed.

“What!? That’s all you have to say after that?”

“Brooks, what is the big deal? You know I’m not myself when I’m drunk” I said standing up. Almost tripping over myself in the process.

“You just kissed my teammate! Did you consider how this could make me feel?”

“Why the hell do you care!?” I snapped, “You have Teri, one kiss means nothing Brooks, plus, who knows if I’ll ever see him again. Get the fuck over it”

“What’s going on with you?”

“I’m drunk Brooks, you know, when someone has too much alcohol? It happens once in a while, and most of the time they do things they regret”

He just sighed, “Just be careful please”

“I can take care of myself, thank you Brooks” I replied sarcastically.

The rest of the evening went as well as it could, and we saw Jess and Dave off as they left for their honeymoon. I sat outside where it was silent, as people started leaving. I let my thoughts run, and let myself get sober again. I heard the door open and my mother sat down beside me.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw you arguing with Brooks, and I saw Brooks slightly hammered afterwards”

“He was drunk?” I asked.

“Yes” she said, “but he wouldn‘t say what‘s wrong, not even to Teri”

“Oh…”

“Why were you drunk earlier?” she asked.

I just sighed, “many reasons Mom”

“Give me one” she insisted.

“I love him” I said, “I love his eyes, his smile. His passion for hockey and music. His skill on the ice. The way he makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry. How I’m more myself around him than I am with anyone else, I’m comfortable, I can tell him anything. I trust him with every fibre of my being, I couldn’t imagine my life without him around. I don’t even know how I lived the first 16 years of my life without him. He got me through dad dying, he was there in a heartbeat whenever I needed him. I know him better than himself. I know he drinks when something is bothering him, I can tell when he’s lying, he has this nervous tick, he rubs the back of his neck. I know his favorite song, his favorite color, his lucky number, his lucky charm, his favorite move on the ice, he tells me everything, his secrets, his thoughts, his fears. My stomach does somersaults whenever I see him, or think about him--which seems to be every second of every day. I want him, more than I have wanted anyone. I’m jealous of him and Teri, they don’t belong together, they are completely different people, she doesn’t know him or understand him like I do. As much as I want to deny it, as much as I don’t want to Mom, I love him…”

She just sighed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. She just pulled me in tight and was silent for a moment, before she spoke up.

“Sweetheart, you can’t let him slip through your fingers. Don’t do what I did”

I just looked up at her and raised an eyebrow, “what do you mean?”

“Before I met your father, I had a friend that I fell in love with, somewhat like your situation. I tried to tell him how I felt, but he was in love with someone else, so I didn’t bother. As it turned out, he did feel the same way, his best friend told me. But he ended up marrying that same girl and living happily ever after, than I met your father. And I fell in love all over again. I loved your father so much, don’t get me wrong, I still do, and I know it’s very possible that you could find someone else Julie, but you two were meant for each other, and I can tell by the way he looks at Teri, he doesn’t love her, but the way he looks at you…that’s a different story. Don‘t settle for second best”

I drew in a sharp breath and took it all in. It’s not possible that he loves me. I asked him if he was in love and he said yes--do you think he meant with me? I immediately thought he meant Teri. No he just couldn’t. We’ve always been friends, and we always will be.

*Comments are encourage pleaseeeeee. I want to know what you guys think:)*

Brooks was really messing with my head. Sometimes I just wish I could read his mind, find out what makes him tick, and say shit like that. He could have given me a heart attack.

We were leaving for Saskatchewan tomorrow, the wedding was in two days, Jess was under a lot of stress trying to make this perfect. Teri wasn’t helping that much, which really pissed me off. Getting myself there to help Jess out was my only concern right now, I know how she gets when she’s stressed.

“Jess, you need to relax” I said into the phone while I placed a pair of jeans in my bag.

“Can she not help even a little” she snapped.

“Jess, it’s Teri, when does she ever help us out? Plus she’s the baby, she’s not expected to do anything”

“I’ll be glad when you get here” she sighed.

I just laughed, “I better finish packing, plane lands at 3, we’ll meet you at the airport?”

“Alright, see you then”

Friday finally arrived and the plane ride was brutal. I hated planes. I think I might have grabbed onto Brooks for dear life one too many times, with the slightest bit of turbulence. It was bad.

We finally landed and I breathed a sigh of relief while Brooks just laughed at me.

“You know I hate planes” I huffed.

“Oh I know, but it’s entertaining to watch” he replied.

I just punched him in the arm and he winced in pain, “you know it’s my right hook that’s killer right?” I said balling my right hand into a fist.

“I know” he said putting his hands up in defence, “I don’t need to be reminded”

I just laughed and put my hand back down and went for the luggage. We walked out into the lobby and before I could say a word Jess practically tackled me.

“Hey” I laughed, “missed you too”

“I’m so glad you’re here” she sighed.

“How’s Dave doing?” I asked.

“He’s putting up with me” she replied, “I don’t know how he does it”

I just laughed, “We better get going”

We drove to my mother’s house. I haven’t been here since the funeral, it was still a little tough to be in there, but my mother was actually doing really well, which made it easier for me.

All day Jess and I started getting the finishing touches and made sure Teri was here so we could try on dresses. Brooks took Dave out, for the afternoon, to ease his mind.

“Wait, I thought it was at the church?” I asked her as I looked through some of the plans.

“Well it is” she replied, “but to fit all the people we invited, they let us use the field in behind the church”

“Oh, wow, that’s really nice of them”

“It looks beautiful already” she said.

“Well I’m excited”

“Not as excited as I am” she smirked.

I just laughed, “I suppose you‘re right”

We tried on the dresses, which were absolutely gorgeous. They were a pale yellow, cocktail length with an empire waste and a black band around it, and Jess’ dress was just as gorgeous, a classic white (picture at the bottom).

“They’re gorgeous” I said.

“You are really good at this” Teri said.

“Well thank you my lovely sisters” she smiled, “Sarah and Mary still have to come and try them on, but I believe everything is in order”

I just turned to look at her and smiled, “my baby sister is getting married tomorrow”

She paused, “Holy Shit Julie I’m getting married tomorrow!” as if she was just realizing it.

I just laughed and wrapped my arms around her in a hug. I couldn’t believe my little sister, the one I tortured as a kid, was getting married tomorrow. I was happy for her beyond belief.

“I’m so happy for you Jess”

“Thanks Jules”

I just couldn’t help but wonder when the day would come that she would be saying that same thing to me.