drowning

Wowwwww, it's been ages since I wrote for this story. Well, wait no more. I do have some ideas up my sleeve, so I thought I'd post this, it was half written for a long time now. I just finished it tonight, so I hope you enjoy! Comments are appreciated:)

Why was she doing this? I couldn’t lose her. Maybe if I tell her how I feel she’ll stay.

“Julie…you belong here”

“No I don’t” she said quietly, “Teri belongs here”

“Forget about Teri”

“No, she’s my sister, and you love her, she loves you…”

“I don’t love her”

She just looked up at me, with that look in her eyes I saw every single day, she looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was.

“What? But when I asked if you were in love, you--”

“I’m not in love with her”

“Then if not her, then--” her eyes widened and she moved back, “no….

I just nodded slowly, I didn’t know what else to say at this point. Her face changed emotion every few seconds. I didn’t know how to respond. I just told her I was in love with her. She stood up, went to her room and I heard the door shut.

“Julie” I said knocking on the door, “Don’t do this”

“Are you lying to me?” I heard her ask.

“I wouldn’t lie to you about this”

“How long?”

“Since I met you” he simply said.

She swung the door open and just stared at me. Her face was tear streaked. She looked absolutely terrified, “You’ve loved me for 9 years and you’re just telling me this now!”

I just cleared my throat and kept eye contact, “Yes. Please don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way”

She just stared at me and I was beginning to think the worst. Maybe this was a bad idea. This was going to ruin everything. Everything we have together.

“Maybe…” she said, “Which is why I can’t stay here” She went to shut the door but my hand stopped it. She might be strong, but I wasn’t letting her go that easily.

“I’m not letting you slip through my fingers Julie. Not this time” I said. I did all I could, I kissed her. She didn’t even try to stop me. In fact, when I tried to pull away for a breath, she pulled me back.

We stumbled into the bedroom and I kicked the door shut behind me and she pulled me down onto the bed. This whole moment felt like it was going in slow motion. She had no idea how long I’ve been wanting this.

I slowed her down immediately. If we were going to do this, I wasn’t going to rush it. I wanted her, every part of her.

I stopped her wandering hands and gently kissed her, softly, slowly. My lips travelled down her neck while my hands made their way under her shirt, where they have been longing to go for so long.

*Julie’s POV*

I didn’t know what was going on at this point, all I knew was that I liked it, and I wasn’t by any means going to stop him. I couldn’t help but let a quiet moan escape my mouth when his lips brushed my ear.

“You’ve dreamt about this haven’t you?” he mumbled as his lips travelled from my ear down my jaw line.

I drew in a sharp breath and just nodded, “Mhmm”

“You want me to keep going?”

“Yes”

“You want me to make love to you Julie?” he whispered into my ear.

I just nodded.

He wasted no time and pulled my shirt over my head. He had me. I had no control over my actions anymore, he was in complete control. I didn’t know if there was anything that could stop me. I was wrong.

“You bitch” I heard from the doorway. Brooks jumped off of me immediately and I saw Teri standing in the doorway.

“Teri…”

“And you, you said you loved me” she said directing her eyes to Brooks. I could see the pain in her eyes, it broke my heart. She started to leave and I grabbed my shirt and threw it over my head.

“Teri, there’s nothing going on, I promise” I said following her.

“Don’t you dare lie to me” she said turning around, “Either of you”

“I love her” I heard Brooks say. The one time he decides to speak, perfect timing. You could tell those words pierced through her heart. I didn’t know what to do. I watched her leave the apartment and I stood there, and didn’t say a word. I was afraid to look at him.

“I told you I couldn’t stay here” I said without making eye contact, “I have to leave” I went towards the bedroom but he caught my arm and I couldn’t break free.

“Do you not understand that this whole thing is meant to be? Stop running from me, please” he just pushed me against the wall in order to keep me from going anywhere, “I’m not tied to your sister anymore, don’t use that excuse. I love you, from the day I met you Julie, and I know you feel something, because what just happened in there was not one-sided”

I took a deep breath, “I admit, something is there Brooks, I won’t deny it. But, I still have to go. I need to do this for me, I have to straighten this whole thing out, my heart is not in a state to be with you right now. I don’t want to hurt you, okay? Please respect that”

He slowly let me go and I went to my room and finished packing my things. I heard him behind me, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t look at him right now, I’d immediately feel guilty.

“I have to do this” I said keeping my eyes on my suitcase.

“You’ll be back here, sooner than you think” he replied.

“What makes you so sure?” I snapped turning around to look at him.

“Because I know you” he replied.

“That means nothing” I half laughed.

“I know you feel the same way, and it’s only a matter of time before you finally realize it”

“You’re such a jerk!”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re so selfish. You want this so badly it’s like you’re trying to force it on me. What if I don’t want to feel like this?”

He sighed, “It’s not something you can control Julie…it just happens, whether it’s the opportune time for you or not”

I looked up at him and just sighed, “I just broke my sister’s heart, you just broke my sister’s heart and all you can think about is this? I can’t do this Brooks, I can’t be with you knowing what it did to my sister, not right now”

“You can’t leave me here without you” he said.

“I’m sorry…I have to”

“Oh…Brooks…” his lips sucked on the sweet spot on my neck and his kisses trailed down my chest and stomach.

His hands were soft as silk over every inch of my body. I couldn’t take it anymore and I grabbed his face, kissing him passionately. I thrusted my hips upward into him, indicating I was ready.

My heart was pounding, my body was covered in sweat as our bodies moved in perfect sync together, I pressed my lips to his one more time before he pulled himself away and fell beside me.

“Julie…Julie!” I opened my eyes and felt Brooks’ hand on my arm. I was not in bed, in fact I was on a plane on my way home to Washington, “you ok?”

I just rubbed my eyes and sat up, “yah, I’m fine” I groaned.

“What were you dreaming about, you seemed pretty happy”

I snapped my head around to look at him, “nothing…important” I said nervously.

He just narrowed his eyes, “what’s going on Jules?”

“Nothing, I promise, I’m just tired”

“Fine” he went back to reading the magazine he had in his hand and I just sighed. I’ve never dreamt about Brooks like that before. I just turned my head and looked at him, he was too into what he was reading. He looked…perfect. I’ve never wanted him more. Also, the dream had a hand in that.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and sighed. He just looked over at me, “you need a place to sleep?”

I just nodded my head. He put his magazine down and shifted and offered his shoulder. I just grabbed my hoodie, balled it up and laid on his shoulder. It was the most comfortable place I have ever slept. Actually, it really wasn’t, but I didn’t really care, cause there was no place else I’d rather be.

I felt someone wake me up and I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at Brooks, “were landing soon” he said.

“Oh” I said quietly sitting up.

“Sleep ok?”

I just nodded, “thank you”

He smoothed down a section of my hair that was sticking out, “anytime” he smiled. I kept eye contact with him for a few seconds. What is going on in that head of his?

I felt us land and I just breathed a sigh of relief. I hated flying with a passion.

When we got back to the house I threw my bags on the floor and laid down on the couch. He lifted my feet up, sat down and rested them on his lap. His fingers traced up and down them, I just sighed and kept my eyes focused on the ceiling.

“Are you seriously ok?” he asked me.

I just looked at him and sighed and shook my head. He knew me too well, I couldn’t hide that something was bothering me, he would eventually figure it out.

“What’s going on?”

“I can figure it out on my own” I said pulling my feet away and sitting up.

“Don’t shut me out” he said quietly, “you never shut me out”

“This time it’s not any of your business” I huffed.

“Jules…you can’t just tell me something’s wrong, and then not tell me what it is”

“I can if I want to” I said crossing my arms over my chest.

He reached over and pulled them apart and just looked at me. I did all I could to overt eye contact, but it was impossible. I just sighed and felt the waterworks coming, I tried to hold them back, but a stray tear did fall.

His thumb immediately came up and wiped it away, “please just tell me what’s wrong”

“I don’t think I can stay here anymore…”

He narrowed his eyes and then cocked his head to the side, “What? Why?”

I needed a quick excuse, “because of Teri, she’s here, and when I’m here it’s just awkward, I think it’s better that I find my own place here instead…”

“Julie, you’re not making any sense”

Even I knew that, but what else was I supposed to say? I love you? That wouldn’t fly with Brooks, he’d just end up leaving, I know him. I needed to be away from him, it was the only way to get over this.

“Just let me do this…”

“I don’t understand you sometimes”

I just smirked, “that’s okay”

“Please just stay” he whispered.

“I can’t”

“Yes…you can”

He was stubborn sometimes. There wasn’t much I could do to convince him that this had to be done without revealing how I felt about him. Plus, he loved Teri, he said so himself. I wasn’t going to be one to get in the way of that, especially since it was my sister.

I would like to know if i should keep going with this story. I've been trying to clean up my blogger a bit. Because you never know when a new story idea can hit :P and I'm torn on which ones to keep. So it would be great if you could comment on this and let me know if I should keep going with it : ) Thanks !

It was the wedding day and Jess was terribly nervous. I did all I could to calm her down, but it didn’t do much good. I had no experience being a bride, what could I do? The nerves were hitting her like a ton of bricks. I just hope she didn’t get cold feet, I knew she loved Dave too much…

“Ok Jess, we’re just going to leave you alone with Mom”

“Ok” she mumbled.

We all left the room and Mom went in and shut the door. I met Brooks in the hallway whose eyes almost bugged out of his head.

“You alright?” I asked him.

“You look beautiful” he said.

I just felt my face get hot and I half smiled, “Thanks, you look pretty good yourself”

He just smiled and went to say something when Teri ended up beside me, “Hey Brooks”

“Hey baby” he said nervously rubbing the back of his neck, “you look great”

“Thanks” she smiled.

I just swallowed a lump in my throat as I watched the two of them chat, the way she was talking, touching his arm, the way he was gently playing with her hair, how close she was…

I turned my attention away and spotted a familiar face at the end of the hall.

“Brooks” I said tapping his shoulder.

“Yah?”

“Isn’t that one of your teammates?” I asked curiously.

He looked over Teri’s shoulder and nodded, “Yah, that’s Steckel…”

“I thought so”

“What’s he doing here?”

“Why don’t you go ask him?” I replied sarcastically.

“That could work” he replied with a half smile.

I watched Teri who couldn’t keep her eyes off of him, seriously, it made me sick. I finally admit I’m jealous of the two of them, but I also admit, there isn’t a whole hell of a lot that I can do about it.

“Julie” I heard my mom’s voice, “she’s ok”

“Really?”

“Yah”

The ceremony went as planned and I cried almost the whole time, happy tears of course. The reception afterwards was going to be another story. It was actually back at my mom’s house, in our huge backyard.

A small amount of close family and friends got back to my mom’s house for the reception. I sat back with my third drink as I watched Brooks and Teri, I knew it was going to be a long night.

“You don’t think you’re overdoing it there?” I heard someone ask.

I turned around to see Brooks’ teammate David Steckel. I just sighed and replied, “I’ll be fine”

“Something up with you and Laich?” he asked reaching back for a drink.

“No” I said quickly, “he’s my best friend”

“Oh…so you’re Julie” he said.

“Yes” I nodded.

“He talks about you”

“Really?” I said cocking my head to the side, “good things?”

“You’d think he was in love with you the way he talks sometimes, but he totally denies it”

I just swallowed a lump in my throat, “we’re pretty tight” I said doing my best to ignore his observation.

“It seems that way” he replied, “anyways the reason I came over here was because I wanted to ask you to dance”

I just shrugged, “Yah, sure, why not”

I set my drink down and took his hand and he led me to the dance floor. I put one hand on his shoulder and took his other hand.

“So, how did you end up invited?” I asked.

“I grew up with Dave” he said.

“Oh, that’s cool” I said, “he never mentioned it. But she did meet Dave in the states while at school, wait, two Daves, how doesn’t that get confusing?”

“Oh, it does” he laughed.

I just smirked, “You’d think he would have talked about having a friend in the NHL”

“Dave’s humble that way” he replied, “so you’re Jess’ sister?”

“Big sister” I corrected him, “I adore her”

He just laughed, “well I’ve seen you guys together, you’re great”

I just smiled when I felt Brooks’ hand on my waist, which caused my stomach to flip, “you mind if I steal her?” he asked.

“Go for it” replied Dave pulling back.

I just sighed and took Brooks’ hand and put my other on his shoulder, “where’s Teri?”

“She’s talking to Jess” he said, “what are you doing with him?”

“He asked me to dance, I said yes. Do you have a problem with that?” I asked.

“No” he said quickly, “I just never thought he’d be your type”

“I didn’t say I liked him Brooks, I’ve known him for five minutes. It’s a dance, that’s it, he‘s a nice guy” I replied, “it sounds like you have a problem with it”

“I don’t. Don‘t get defensive” he assured me.

“I feel like I have to be”

The song ended and I pulled away from him, trying to get from him as quickly as possible. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him, “something’s wrong”

“Nothing’s wrong” I insisted yanking my arm from his grip, “I’m tired, and I will admit a tad drunk, but I promise you that’s it”

I walked back and grabbed a drink and sat down. David sat beside me and I just sighed, “Something is going on there” he said, “I can see it”

“It’s nothing I can’t get over”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m in love with him, and he’s in love with my sister, that’s it”

“Whoa, heavy stuff”

“Yah…” I replied taking a drink.

“Ok” he said, “first off, stop the drinking” he just took it from my hand and poured it out on the grass. I just sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, “second, I admit, I like you. Everything I have heard about you from Brooks, you sound like an amazing girl”

“Oh…”

“Sorry, it just came out”

“No, it’s ok” I smiled, “you’re cool, but I think we should just be friends…”

“I understand, maybe when we get back to Washington we can have dinner or something?”

“I’d like that” I smiled, “you want my number? To keep in touch?”

“Sure”

We exchanged numbers and talked for a bit. I looked over at Brooks who’s glare could burn right through you. I ignored him and turned my attention back to Dave.

“Well…” he said standing up, “I think it’s time I get going”

I just stood up and went in for a hug. I pulled back, and some slight eye contact caused me to do something that even surprised me, I kissed him. It wasn’t just a peck, because he took it farther, my hands gripped onto his neck. He just pulled back and I just crossed my arms across my chest.

“Um…”

“I’m sorry” I said quickly, “I’m slightly drunk”

He shook his head, “It’s fine”

“I’ll see you later” I said sitting down.

He left and Brooks was livid when he came over.

“What?” I huffed.

“What!? That’s all you have to say after that?”

“Brooks, what is the big deal? You know I’m not myself when I’m drunk” I said standing up. Almost tripping over myself in the process.

“You just kissed my teammate! Did you consider how this could make me feel?”

“Why the hell do you care!?” I snapped, “You have Teri, one kiss means nothing Brooks, plus, who knows if I’ll ever see him again. Get the fuck over it”

“What’s going on with you?”

“I’m drunk Brooks, you know, when someone has too much alcohol? It happens once in a while, and most of the time they do things they regret”

He just sighed, “Just be careful please”

“I can take care of myself, thank you Brooks” I replied sarcastically.

The rest of the evening went as well as it could, and we saw Jess and Dave off as they left for their honeymoon. I sat outside where it was silent, as people started leaving. I let my thoughts run, and let myself get sober again. I heard the door open and my mother sat down beside me.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw you arguing with Brooks, and I saw Brooks slightly hammered afterwards”

“He was drunk?” I asked.

“Yes” she said, “but he wouldn‘t say what‘s wrong, not even to Teri”

“Oh…”

“Why were you drunk earlier?” she asked.

I just sighed, “many reasons Mom”

“Give me one” she insisted.

“I love him” I said, “I love his eyes, his smile. His passion for hockey and music. His skill on the ice. The way he makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry. How I’m more myself around him than I am with anyone else, I’m comfortable, I can tell him anything. I trust him with every fibre of my being, I couldn’t imagine my life without him around. I don’t even know how I lived the first 16 years of my life without him. He got me through dad dying, he was there in a heartbeat whenever I needed him. I know him better than himself. I know he drinks when something is bothering him, I can tell when he’s lying, he has this nervous tick, he rubs the back of his neck. I know his favorite song, his favorite color, his lucky number, his lucky charm, his favorite move on the ice, he tells me everything, his secrets, his thoughts, his fears. My stomach does somersaults whenever I see him, or think about him--which seems to be every second of every day. I want him, more than I have wanted anyone. I’m jealous of him and Teri, they don’t belong together, they are completely different people, she doesn’t know him or understand him like I do. As much as I want to deny it, as much as I don’t want to Mom, I love him…”

She just sighed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. She just pulled me in tight and was silent for a moment, before she spoke up.

“Sweetheart, you can’t let him slip through your fingers. Don’t do what I did”

I just looked up at her and raised an eyebrow, “what do you mean?”

“Before I met your father, I had a friend that I fell in love with, somewhat like your situation. I tried to tell him how I felt, but he was in love with someone else, so I didn’t bother. As it turned out, he did feel the same way, his best friend told me. But he ended up marrying that same girl and living happily ever after, than I met your father. And I fell in love all over again. I loved your father so much, don’t get me wrong, I still do, and I know it’s very possible that you could find someone else Julie, but you two were meant for each other, and I can tell by the way he looks at Teri, he doesn’t love her, but the way he looks at you…that’s a different story. Don‘t settle for second best”

I drew in a sharp breath and took it all in. It’s not possible that he loves me. I asked him if he was in love and he said yes--do you think he meant with me? I immediately thought he meant Teri. No he just couldn’t. We’ve always been friends, and we always will be.

*Comments are encourage pleaseeeeee. I want to know what you guys think:)*

Brooks was really messing with my head. Sometimes I just wish I could read his mind, find out what makes him tick, and say shit like that. He could have given me a heart attack.

We were leaving for Saskatchewan tomorrow, the wedding was in two days, Jess was under a lot of stress trying to make this perfect. Teri wasn’t helping that much, which really pissed me off. Getting myself there to help Jess out was my only concern right now, I know how she gets when she’s stressed.

“Jess, you need to relax” I said into the phone while I placed a pair of jeans in my bag.

“Can she not help even a little” she snapped.

“Jess, it’s Teri, when does she ever help us out? Plus she’s the baby, she’s not expected to do anything”

“I’ll be glad when you get here” she sighed.

I just laughed, “I better finish packing, plane lands at 3, we’ll meet you at the airport?”

“Alright, see you then”

Friday finally arrived and the plane ride was brutal. I hated planes. I think I might have grabbed onto Brooks for dear life one too many times, with the slightest bit of turbulence. It was bad.

We finally landed and I breathed a sigh of relief while Brooks just laughed at me.

“You know I hate planes” I huffed.

“Oh I know, but it’s entertaining to watch” he replied.

I just punched him in the arm and he winced in pain, “you know it’s my right hook that’s killer right?” I said balling my right hand into a fist.

“I know” he said putting his hands up in defence, “I don’t need to be reminded”

I just laughed and put my hand back down and went for the luggage. We walked out into the lobby and before I could say a word Jess practically tackled me.

“Hey” I laughed, “missed you too”

“I’m so glad you’re here” she sighed.

“How’s Dave doing?” I asked.

“He’s putting up with me” she replied, “I don’t know how he does it”

I just laughed, “We better get going”

We drove to my mother’s house. I haven’t been here since the funeral, it was still a little tough to be in there, but my mother was actually doing really well, which made it easier for me.

All day Jess and I started getting the finishing touches and made sure Teri was here so we could try on dresses. Brooks took Dave out, for the afternoon, to ease his mind.

“Wait, I thought it was at the church?” I asked her as I looked through some of the plans.

“Well it is” she replied, “but to fit all the people we invited, they let us use the field in behind the church”

“Oh, wow, that’s really nice of them”

“It looks beautiful already” she said.

“Well I’m excited”

“Not as excited as I am” she smirked.

I just laughed, “I suppose you‘re right”

We tried on the dresses, which were absolutely gorgeous. They were a pale yellow, cocktail length with an empire waste and a black band around it, and Jess’ dress was just as gorgeous, a classic white (picture at the bottom).

“They’re gorgeous” I said.

“You are really good at this” Teri said.

“Well thank you my lovely sisters” she smiled, “Sarah and Mary still have to come and try them on, but I believe everything is in order”

I just turned to look at her and smiled, “my baby sister is getting married tomorrow”

She paused, “Holy Shit Julie I’m getting married tomorrow!” as if she was just realizing it.

I just laughed and wrapped my arms around her in a hug. I couldn’t believe my little sister, the one I tortured as a kid, was getting married tomorrow. I was happy for her beyond belief.

“I’m so happy for you Jess”

“Thanks Jules”

I just couldn’t help but wonder when the day would come that she would be saying that same thing to me.

Where the hell did that come from? Why would she ask me that kind of question?

“In love?”

“Yes idiot, in love” she replied.

“Yes” he simply said. Little did she know, I didn’t mean with her sister.

I saw her close her eyes and sigh, she sat back on the other side of the couch.

“Where did that come from Julie?”

“I don’t know”

“Like hell you don’t, what’s going on with you?” I asked her. I wish I knew what was going through that head of hers.

“My head is in a funny state. I just don’t know what to think”

I wish I could tell her how I felt. I just didn’t think it was a good idea. I knew she wouldn’t want to hurt her sister, even if she didn’t feel the same way, “do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really”

“Julie, you never close yourself off from me. What’s up?”

“I’m just tired Brooks” she said standing up, “I’ll be outside”

I watched her walk outside onto the back porch and lean against the railing. She was in a short denim skirt, a purple sleeveless blouse and in barefeet. She had both her fingernails and toe nails painted black. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. I could tell you every detail about her even if she wasn’t standing in front of me. Except for what was underneath. She had no idea how much I wanted to know…

I can tell you she has these light freckles on her cheeks and her nose, but she covers them up with makeup, she’s self concious. She has a birthmark on her back, near her left shoulder. She has a scar down her back, from when she climbed a tree when she was younger and caught herself on a branch. She broke her arm when she was 14, from falling out of a tree and got her appendix out when she was 16, which leaves a small scar on her stomach. Her blue eyes are a shade I’ve never seen before, and when she smiles it makes me feel warm inside, as cheesy as it sounds. She has the cutest nose, and lips I wish I could kiss every second of every day...

She’s fearless, opinionated, loud, clumsy, hilarious, sometimes obnoxious and arrogant, but overall one of the sweetest girls on the planet, but I would never try and get her angry, because she has a mouth on her and a hell of a right hook. She hates summer and winter but loves the spring and fall. She loves the sun but hates the beach. She couldn’t hurt a fly if she tried and she hates insects in general. Her favorite color is pink, she doesn’t have a favorite food and she absolutely adores hockey, and sports in general.

I could go on and on about this girl, but it would take me forever to describe everything that I love and hate about her. Overall, there is not one thing I would change, and I just wish I could get up the guts to tell all this to her face, and tell her that I am absolutely, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her.

“Brooks?” I heard her say.

“Yes?”

“You ok? You were spaced out”

“I’m fine”

She just smiled and made her way to the kitchen. I just sighed and rested my head back on the couch. I couldn’t keep this in anymore, there must be some way I can tell her.

“Julie?”

“Yah?”

“I need to say something”

She wasn’t facing me, which made it slightly easier.

"I love you”

She almost broke the glass in her hand but set it down gently before turning to face me. I stood there innocently as if I hadn’t done anything.

“You…what?”

Shit, what was I doing? I couldn’t mess this up between us.

“I love you…I mean you’re my best friend”

She replied with a sigh of relief but then she looked at me raising an eyebrow.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Just a sudden urge” I mumbled. Wow, did I actually just say that?

“Oh…ok” she said turning back to face the sink. I left the room and started hitting my forehead with palm of my hand. This girl had no idea what she was doing to me.

“Where are we going?” he sighed sitting in the passenger seat.

“Somewhere away from here” I replied starting the car.

We drove around Washington just chatting, listening to music, trying to cheer him up for even a little bit. It was a gorgeous day outside so I stopped at a small park and got out.

“Why are we here?” he asked.

“Because…you need somewhere you can talk to me, since we’re not in Saskatchewan anymore. This will be our spot in Washington, until we go home next week”

“There’s nothing to talk about Jules”

“I can tell by your tone that yes…there certainly is Brooksy, so sit and talk to me”

We sat down at a nearby bench. I sat cross legged facing towards him while he looked straight ahead. I waited for any sign that he would speak, he finally did.

“Losing to Pittburgh, this whole thing with your sister, it’s really been messing with my head”

“What about my sister?” I asked curiously.

“It’s not easy with her coming back and forth, and when she is here, I’m not always here, see, if it was you…it would be a lot easier”

I cleared my throat and looked down at my hands, he had no idea how much I wish it was me. I just looked back up at him and the look on his face broke my heart.

“Look at me” I said. He wouldn’t turn his head so I took his face in my hands so he was looking straight at me, “look at me” I repeated, “Brooks, as for hockey you know you have next season ok? You’re going to be fine. As for my sister, I have seen the way you look at her, and I know how she feels about you and not any amount of distance can change that ok?”

He didn’t say anything and just pulled himself away from me. I just sighed and didn’t say another word. I didn’t know what else to tell him. I just let him run through it in his head. He finally turned his head and looked at me.

“I’m sorry”

“What?”

“I’m sorry I made these past couple weeks miserable” he sighed, “and you’re absolutely right about Teri”

“I know I am” I smiled.

He just playfully nudged me.

“I should tell you something” I said.

“Sure”

“Thank you”

“For what?” he asked curiously.

“For being there through everything that happened with my dad, I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have you Brooks. You keep me…sane”

He just put his hand on my cheek, leaned in slowly, looked at me for just a moment and then placed his lips on my forehead. I drew in a shaky breath and weakly smiled at him.

“Can we just go home?” I asked.

“Sure thing” he replied.

I followed him back to the car and let him drive. I found myself glancing over at him a few times on the way back. As much as I didn’t want to I found myself having inappropriate thoughts, what the hell was this guy doing to me?

“Um, Jules…were home” he said.

“Oh” I said shaking my head. I opened the car door and followed him in and fell onto the couch. I felt him sit down and place my feet on his lap. I sat up on my elbows and looked at him. I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling at this moment, I wanted him and only him right now.

“Brooks…”

“Yah?”

I love you, how have you not figured that out?

“Nevermind…it’s not important”

“If you say so” he shrugged.

I laid my head back down and sighed. I had it, I was so close to telling him. The one thing that kept me from saying anything was Teri, I just couldn’t do that to her, even if Brooks didn’t feel the same way, which is probably the case, it just wouldn’t feel right.

I don’t even understand how I can feel this way about him? I’ve known him forever, why are these feelings just coming up now? It just doesn’t make any sense. I just wish he felt the same way so it would make everything easier, he could say it first.

“You ok?” I heard him ask, “you’re mumbling to yourself”

I just nervously laughed, “I’m good…”

I sat up and shut the tv off. I stared at him for a moment before coming out with it.

“Brooks…are you in love?”