drowning

“Where are we going?” he sighed sitting in the passenger seat.

“Somewhere away from here” I replied starting the car.

We drove around Washington just chatting, listening to music, trying to cheer him up for even a little bit. It was a gorgeous day outside so I stopped at a small park and got out.

“Why are we here?” he asked.

“Because…you need somewhere you can talk to me, since we’re not in Saskatchewan anymore. This will be our spot in Washington, until we go home next week”

“There’s nothing to talk about Jules”

“I can tell by your tone that yes…there certainly is Brooksy, so sit and talk to me”

We sat down at a nearby bench. I sat cross legged facing towards him while he looked straight ahead. I waited for any sign that he would speak, he finally did.

“Losing to Pittburgh, this whole thing with your sister, it’s really been messing with my head”

“What about my sister?” I asked curiously.

“It’s not easy with her coming back and forth, and when she is here, I’m not always here, see, if it was you…it would be a lot easier”

I cleared my throat and looked down at my hands, he had no idea how much I wish it was me. I just looked back up at him and the look on his face broke my heart.

“Look at me” I said. He wouldn’t turn his head so I took his face in my hands so he was looking straight at me, “look at me” I repeated, “Brooks, as for hockey you know you have next season ok? You’re going to be fine. As for my sister, I have seen the way you look at her, and I know how she feels about you and not any amount of distance can change that ok?”

He didn’t say anything and just pulled himself away from me. I just sighed and didn’t say another word. I didn’t know what else to tell him. I just let him run through it in his head. He finally turned his head and looked at me.

“I’m sorry”

“What?”

“I’m sorry I made these past couple weeks miserable” he sighed, “and you’re absolutely right about Teri”

“I know I am” I smiled.

He just playfully nudged me.

“I should tell you something” I said.

“Sure”

“Thank you”

“For what?” he asked curiously.

“For being there through everything that happened with my dad, I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have you Brooks. You keep me…sane”

He just put his hand on my cheek, leaned in slowly, looked at me for just a moment and then placed his lips on my forehead. I drew in a shaky breath and weakly smiled at him.

“Can we just go home?” I asked.

“Sure thing” he replied.

I followed him back to the car and let him drive. I found myself glancing over at him a few times on the way back. As much as I didn’t want to I found myself having inappropriate thoughts, what the hell was this guy doing to me?

“Um, Jules…were home” he said.

“Oh” I said shaking my head. I opened the car door and followed him in and fell onto the couch. I felt him sit down and place my feet on his lap. I sat up on my elbows and looked at him. I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling at this moment, I wanted him and only him right now.

“Brooks…”

“Yah?”

I love you, how have you not figured that out?

“Nevermind…it’s not important”

“If you say so” he shrugged.

I laid my head back down and sighed. I had it, I was so close to telling him. The one thing that kept me from saying anything was Teri, I just couldn’t do that to her, even if Brooks didn’t feel the same way, which is probably the case, it just wouldn’t feel right.

I don’t even understand how I can feel this way about him? I’ve known him forever, why are these feelings just coming up now? It just doesn’t make any sense. I just wish he felt the same way so it would make everything easier, he could say it first.

“You ok?” I heard him ask, “you’re mumbling to yourself”

I just nervously laughed, “I’m good…”

I sat up and shut the tv off. I stared at him for a moment before coming out with it.

“Brooks…are you in love?”