drowning

The drive was silent, I just stared out the window as my thoughts ran. I needed a distraction, I just didn’t know what. As we stopped at a red light I saw the spot where Brooks and I spent a lot of our time as teenagers, it was our escape from family, high school drama and everything in between.

“Can we stop?”

He just nodded and parked on the side of the road. There wasn’t too many people around, which was how I liked it. I walked over to the swings and sat on one, Brooks took the one beside me.

“Remember the first time we came here?”

“I do” he nodded.

I just smiled thinking back to the first time we came here. A boyfriend I had, Brian, when I was 16, dumped me for another girl. I was absolutely devastated, and skipped my classes after lunch. I ran here, and I really don’t know why. I sat on this very swing, crying my eyes out to the point where I couldn’t even see in front of me. Suddenly I felt two arms around me, normally I would jump up in fear, but I knew those arms all too well. Brooks skipped class when he realized I was gone and came looking for me. He calmed me down, he just had this natural way about him, that was calming, soothing. He took me back to his car and we skipped the rest of the afternoon. Listening to classic break-up songs and singing them at the top of our lungs. By the time the day was over, I forgot who Brian was. I laughed thinking back to when I got home and my dad had found out about us skipping. He was more furious at Brooks for not taking me back.

“What?” he asked.

“Remember my dad? He was practically livid”

“Oh I couldn’t forget that” he laughed, “your dad was really strict about your education”

“I know” I sighed, “and I gave it up for you”

“You could have went back” he said, “I didn’t force you”

“I needed a change” I replied quickly, “it was my choice”. I felt my stomach grumble, you could hear it from a mile away.

“I think we should eat” he smirked.

“I agree”

We got back to the car and stopped at a small diner we always went to. It was really homey, we all knew each other. As soon as they saw me come in, there was silence.

“I knew this would happen” I mumbled. I tried to escape but Brooks grabbed my hand and dragged me to a booth.

Dorothy, the owner of the diner came to our table and just looked at me with sad eyes.

“I’m really sorry about your dad sweetie”

“Yah…can I just have a coke please?” I asked changing the subject.

“Sure thing” she smiled disappearing back into the kitchen.

“Why here?”

“Because it’s the only place with decent food in this god-forsaken town” he said.

“Fine” I grumbled sitting back crossing my arms over my chest.

When she placed our food in front of us, there was silence. I hated silence, because my mind starts to run on overdrive.

“Question” I asked setting my fork down.

“Shoot”

“Tell me why after I just lost one of the most important men in my life, I can’t cry. Everyone else seems to be able to…why can’t I. It’s all I want to do”

He sighed tossing his napkin back onto the table, “honestly I couldn’t tell you, I wish I knew. One of these days it will come out, something inside will snap”

“I need you there when that happens”

“I’ll be there” he said quickly, “wherever, whenever”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you as a friend”

He just smiled, “you’d do the same”

“Damn right I would”

He just smirked and I looked down at my food, my appetite suddenly disappeared, “I’m full”

“You barely ate half!”

“I ate didn’t I?”

He just sighed, “I suppose this is true”

As he finished and paid I went back out to the car, it was getting late, the jet lag was getting to me.

“Are you as tired as I am?”

“Probably” he said nodding his head.

“I need a bed” I said getting back into the car.

We parked in the driveway and stepped back into the house. That eerie feeling hit me again and I suddenly felt depressed. I was missing him more every minute. I avoided eye contact with the rest of the family and went upstairs, keeping my eyes away from the pictures. I stepped into my room and flipped down all the frames with my dad in them, and took some off the wall. Brooks didn’t dare say a word as I pulled my pj’s, sweats and a t-shirt, out of my bag.

“Um, you think you could turn around?” I asked.

“Oh yah, of course” he said with a nervous chuckle. He just rubbed the back of his neck and looked like he lost all train of thought.

“Facing the other way” I said.

“Sorry” he said turning quickly.

I swiftly pulled off my shirt and jeans, slipping on my sweats and t-shirt. I pulled the covers back and looked in his direction, “you’re good”

He just turned around and pulled his shirt over his head and took his jeans off. He walked towards the couch but I stopped him.

“Um, do you mind?” I asked patting the bed next to me.

“Seriously?”

“We’re just sleeping” I smirked.

“Alright” he shrugged as I laid on my side facing the wall. I felt the bed dip down beside me and covers pull a bit. I reached behind me and put his arm around my waist. I felt his muscles tense up, “you ok?”

“Fine” he said as his muscles relaxed. I switched off the lamp and almost melted into him, “thank you” I whispered, “you’re welcome” he mumbled into my hair and it wasn’t long before I felt myself drift off to sleep.