drowning

I was back home in DC. Life started to feel somewhat normal again, except for the huge hole in my heart that only my dad could fill. I took leave from my secretary job, forr however long it took. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I just wish something could have warned me that this was coming. I haven’t seen him since his birthday in April, when I surprised him by coming for a visit. I just wanted to hear his voice again. I knew he had a cell phone and it would be turned off, so it would go straight to voicemail. I grabbed my phone and crawled back into bed, while I dialled his number.

“This is Jack, you’ve caught me at a bad time, leave a message and I’ll get back to you when I can”

My heart started to break all over again and the tears just kept falling. I kept redialling, hoping the sound of his voice would just be burned into my memory. I listened over and over again, when I heard the door creak open. I slapped my phone shut and just looked over at Brooks.

“What do I do now?” I said quietly, “I’m nothing without him”

He laid down next to me and stared up at the ceiling. I just moved my head and rested it on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat. I felt him run his fingers through my hair and I hugged one arm around his waist. We were used to this, we knew that the affection was only going so far. He was the guy who held me together, he was with me through thick and thin, he was my backbone, without him…I don’t even want to think about it.

“I’ll say one thing. He’s still with you Jules. You know he’s in your thoughts, in your heart…and you are something. You’re one hell of a girl if you ask me” he just looked down and I looked up and smirked at him.

“You know you’re the only thing that’s keeping me from falling apart” I whispered.

“It’s good to know that I’m holding you together”

“I don’t know how I got through 15 years without you”

“I would say the same thing”

It wasn’t long before the silence between us turned into a deep sleep. I was out cold, I was exhausted from crying, jet lag, it all took a toll on me.

-----

I woke up and looked at the clock. It was 12...pm. I slept for 16 hours…how?

I could smell something familiar. One of my favorite foods. I walked into the kitchen to see a chirpy Brooks over a pot and an empty box of Kraft Dinner on the counter. I could hear him humming, I don’t think he knew I was there. I cleared my throat to reveal my presence and he turned and smiled at me.

“Morning, or should I say afternoon sleepy head”

“Hey” I croaked sitting up at the breakfast bar.

“You don’t sound good” he replied with a frown.

“I think I have a cold, probably the reason I slept so long…” my voice sounded worse every second.

“Probably from sitting out in the rain” he said.

I just smirked as he opened the top cupboard and grabbed a box of Tylenol Cold and set one in front of me with a glass of water. I quickly washed it down and laid my head on the counter.

“Thanks” I replied, the word barely able to come out.

“No more talking” he ordered moving back to the boiling pot. It was about the only thing he could make, it’s why I loved it so much. He grabbed my glass and filled it up with more water, “Go take a blanket and sit on the couch” he said.

I just nodded and grabbed his Washington Capitals fleece blanket and grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels, I finally found the Hangover on Paperview. I would ask him if I could but he told me not to talk. I smiled deviously and pressed “order”. Brooks came into the room with a bowl of Kraft Dinner.

“Did you order paperview?” he asked looking at the tv then me.

I couldn’t respond so I just shrugged my shoulders and snatched the bowl from him.

“Still the same old Julie” he said moving back into the kitchen. I just laughed as I put a forkful of Kraft Dinner into my mouth.

When Brooks cleaned up he joined me on the couch.

“You’ll get sick” I just barely said.

“No talking, and I’ll be fine”

I just laid my head back and put my feet on his lap and continued to watch the movie. I felt his fingers move up and down the soles of my feet. I was normally ticklish, but for some reason, this didn’t bother me. In fact, it made me sleepy, or that could have been the drugs. I didn’t care, sleep was the only thing I wanted right now.

-----

I was sick for a few days, and Brooks was by my side the entire time. I woke up in a pool of sweat, I think my fever was gone and my sore throat had finally subsided. I jumped out of bed feeling full rested. I looked around the apartment for Brooks, but no sign of him. I saw a white piece of paper on the counter and his handwriting.

Hey, I would have waked you but I know you’re not feeling good. We’re on a road trip, but only for a few days. Call me if you need anything. See you on Sunday -- Brooks

I pouted immediately wishing I could spend my finally healthy day with Brooks. I was finally starting to feel, myself again. I knew I was going to have bad days, and I hoped that being alone in this huge house wouldn’t trigger anything.